June 17th, 2006 (7:59 pm)

Curl Up and Die - 'Then the robots killed'

I had my first “boyfriend” when I was 6. His name was Jose and he was this little Puerto Rican kid who lived in the same project as me. I’d dress up in lace and pretend to be madonna and sing to him. I’d make kissy lips and I guess I freaked him out, according to my mother. We’d catch lightning bugs together. Looking back, that’s kind of romantic, hmm? Well unless you’re the bug.

Poor Jose, he never knew my best friend Vanessa was making moves on me. After watching Tiny Toon Adventures, we’d go up to my room and play makebelieve and she always wanted to be batman and “rescue” me. We’d kiss under the covers. She was pretty smooth I guess. It’s clear now that she was gay, even as a 6-year-old. So yeah, I’m in support of the “born gay” theory.

When I was 9 or 10, I had this little boyfriend named Lamont (this was my “I like black boys” period) and “our song” was Michael Jackson’s “You are not alone” (yay ’96!). We were in a school play together about the Underground Railroad and we’d sneak and hold hands. Too cute.

In 6th grade I “dated” (ha!) this kid named Damon who was really only good for looking at. He wore Adidas tshirts and had cute 90′s hair. That’s really all I can remember… oh, and that was the year yo-yo’s came back and “Pretty fly for a white guy” was on the radio. OMG remember?!!?!

After all that good stuff, there was a Thai boy who made me tapes of him singing love songs on guitar (who I dumped for “loving me too much” – what a bitch!), then this huge asshole who was into bad punk music, racing cars and kissing other girls… and then there was Justin. I’m just really glad I have him now. So: I love you, hottness!

Thanks for reading this lameass, nostalgic entry. You know you enjoyed it.