Bruce fucking Springsteen

I am so unbelievably bored that just getting the chance to write about it excites me. I have no fucking friends and I just want to curl up and hide in a hole somewhere. Make that an air-conditioned hole…

And I’ve said this before, but I guess I thought things would be more exciting now that I’m 20 and living in a new city, but it’s the same post-high school “what’s next?” bullshit. People my age just want to drink or go to clubs. Any decent people most likely already have friends they’ve known since fucking 3rd grade and being in that type of situation would make me get that feeling I always had growing up in foster homes and going to my first class at a brand new school. I’m so scared of being sized-up or laughed at that I’ve just become more paranoid than ever and I don’t want to go anywhere ever again.

I’m starting to think I have serious issues, and although I had seen a psychologist and a psychiatrist for 10 straight years of my life (on the tax-payer’s dime I must add), I think I need to go back. I don’t care anymore if I’m put on drugs again, I’d take anything if it would make me happy. Saying this as a straight edge kid might seem hypocritical but FUCK! I can’t keep hating myself this much. I’m turning into my mother.

PS
Justin lost his job at Great Arrow Graphics. He was a screen printer.

Justin and I went to Thursday at the Square, which is basically this free concert thing held every Thursday during the summer months in Buffalo’s downtown. Today Violent Femmes played (and some other lame band) and it was just packed. How many people would want to see a bunch of guys in their 40s and 50s playing 80s music? A lot, apparently! I didn’t know what to expect so it was an experience. White collar, Yacht-club types, mixed with raver kids, scenesters, old folks and a crapload of slutty college girls. We even saw some dude puking his brains out, within the first hour of being there. I was the only one drinking soda, I swear, everyone else had a beer in their hand.

Justin knew his friend Dave and his girlfriend were going to be there, so we met up with them and just sort of stood around for an hour. They’re both really nice, I was a little shy at first. Then when we moved a little closer to the stage, (by “closer” I mean I was still unable to see the band’s faces clearly), Justin saw some of his old friends from his hometown and I took their picture (well, one of them!). From the left to the right: Justin, Jordan, Dave. Justin looks like Mr. Spock

Anyway, I had a good time but I was a little grumpy. My feet really hurt and there were too many assholes shoving their way through the crowd. As a matter of fact, Justin had a little confrontation with one of those said assholes. This dude pushed Justin out of the way when we wouldn’t let him through, so Justin pushed him back and they both stood there staring at each other for a moment, grimacing. I was secretly hoping something would happen. A fight would have made the night even better. Anyway, I have some crappy pictures uploaded to my gallery if anyone is curious.

Justin and I were talking about it a few days ago - that game found on old Windows computers where you ski, jump over trees and get eaten by abominable snowmen. I remembered how much I loved it so I downloaded it. It’s a kick!

So yesterday was Father’s Day and Justin went to his grandfather’s place with the rest of his family, but I decided to stay home. I’m not a fan of family gatherings, especially if it’s not my family. I called my dad and he sounds pretty depressed. He is back at work after a pretty serious back injury and I’m worried about him. I can’t believe how far away from my family I am. My mom asked me if I could go to Atlantic City with her and my brother Joe in July, but when I looked at bus tickets from Buffalo they were $80 round trip! That’s a big change from the $15 it would’ve cost me back home I like Buffalo, it’s not as bad as I had imagined. But I can’t stand being so damn far away from everyone.

I’m really angry with the management of the building I’m living in. We live in the third floor and our buzzer doesn’t work. The front doors to the building are all locked, so we can’t order anything online unless it is shipped by the USPS since only the USPS guy can get inside, not UPS or FedEx. And if anyone comes over, they have to call us to let them in, because there’s no fucking doorbell! It’s retarded - they said they would fix it when we moved in and haven’t done a thing.

Justin bought 2 air conditioners yesterday (finally!) but they’re still not hooked up. Our windows are pretty big, so we need to rig it somehow with plywood. It’s always something!

Mewithoutyou - We Know Who Our Enemies Are

Cassie, Justin’s sister, is still over. Yesterday we all went to the Allentown Art Festival (Allentown is a district in Buffalo) and walked around. It was really sunny and hot outside and the thing was swarming with people - most who looked like they knew nothing about art in the first place. There were women walking around in 4 inch heels (at a festival!) and obese people riding around in their scooter/cart things. Justin was getting an attitude about every little thing. It was a circus, but it was nice compared to my last few Saturdays.

So until yesterday, I didn’t know Justin liked to watch Disney Channel movies. He knows a little bit too much about their films for a 22 year old. Him and Cassie are watching some movie right now about a Hawaiian kid who snowboards and surfs or something. Wow I pretty much refused to watch it with them, so here I am blogging about it!

I got approved for two new fanlistings, both are movies. I’m really excited to work on them because I’ve fallen back into that fanlisting addiction. I just think it’s a cute way to use your space on your site. Otherwise, it’d go to waste. Also, it’s a good excuse to fool around in Photoshop and make layouts.

Pg. 99 - The List

There’s not much to tell of, as usual, but I think everyone should be happy for me because yesterday was my half-birthday. This is as good a reason to celebrate as any, in my book

My mom is moving to Virginia (from Pennsylvania) next month. It’s right near where I was born, so it’s on the eastern coast around Virginia Beach, Newport News, etc. I’m really happy and excited for her, but more for myself because now I can go stay with her in the summers and go to the beach whenever It does kind of suck though because she’ll be further away from me and also all of the family in New Jersey.

Justin’s sister will be spending this weekend with us (she’s 14) so that should be fun. I hope it stays cool out, maybe we can go to the mall or do something else. I’m really not sure of what there is to do around here yet. All I know is that I’m sick of drinking coffee and playing Scattergories on my Friday nights.

In other “news”, Paris Hilton was just let out of jail early for some “medical problem”. What a bitch! I knew she wouldn’t have to serve her sentence.

The Bled - My Assasin

Justin is at his sister’s Confirmation right now and I feel bad that I didn’t go. I told his grandparents over a week ago that I’d be there but then he had figured I would never want to go to a church so he told his mom something like “Why would she want to go? I don’t even want to go, but it’s my sister.” The thing is, even though I’m agnostic, I have no problem being in churches. It’s not like my skin burns if I touch holy water or something. Not going to Cassie’s Communion because I’m Agnostic would be the equivalent of not going to someone’s bar mitzvah because you’re not Jewish. Lame!

Anyway, I had something I wanted to bring up. Please stop buying Crocs! They are the ugliest thing you could possibly wear on your feet, even uglier than those hairy Ugg boots people loved a few years ago. I don’t understand the fascination. They are clogs molded out of a block of rubber! They could be used as a flotation device! They look as attractive as those Fisher Price roller skates you snap on over your shoes when you’re a kid. It doesn’t matter if “they’re comfortable” - get a pair of fucking Birkenstock’s or something! Hell, I’d go barefoot before wearing these. Unless you’re wearing scrubs in a hospital, there’s no reason to be seen in these horrendous shoes. I can only imagine when you run in them, it probably smells like someone did a burnout with their car.

Another no-no: Jellies! Seriously, what is with the plastic footwear? I wore these in 1989 as a 4 year old. I loved my Jelly Shoes. I’d wear them everywhere; to the corner store, riding my bike, to the public pool, to school, etc. After wearing them for 10 minutes they would leave deep welts in your feet. You sometimes got blisters - and if you spent any good amount of time in the sun, you’d have a waffle tan on your feet. Why would you do this to yourself?

Justin's LOUD guitar-playing...

a diorama, an image of beauty;
i’ve become part of your masterpiece.
you’ve drawn me into your life,
as the needle draws the thread and stitches
a garment adorned by your body
upon which i can rest my head as we dream.
the higher we reach, the more we achieve,
so why not reach for the best we can have?
we found each other as silhouettes,
and draw life into one another every day.
you were only as lost and broken as i,
though it flatters me to receive your praise.
and i swear to you, i’ll bring your best days.
we’ve created colors no one thought possible,
and our passions never cease.

That was one of the poems Justin’s written for me since we’ve been together. I just thought I’d share it here. Justin does have his own website but poetry blogs never get a lot of traffic, which sucks. If any of you have writing portfolios or poetry journals, I know Justin would really love some more affiliates.

Today was… HOT. That’s pretty much all I remember, haha! I think the weather affects my brain I finished one of my newly-approved fanlistings, so if you’re a fan of Chappelle’s Show, go join the list! I really miss Chappelle, I remember when it came out, I was still in foster-care then. My (foster) brother Tony and I had the only 2 rooms on the 3rd floor so we’d watch it together and just crack the fuck up. I guess there’s something about politically-incorrect humor that makes me laugh because I also run the fanlisting for The Sarah Silverman Program. How is that for a post full of plugs!?