Neil Perry - So Tom Cruise Turns to Me and Says

We just got back from the mall. We took the bus like we always do, but it was packed to the point where we had to stand. It reminded me of the good ol’ days when we lived in Philly, haha. Justin bought this blue hoodie from Urban Outfitters that looks almost identical to this one he’s been sweating from American Apparel. I got two pairs of jeans and a grey sweater.

My Amazon account was compromised two weeks ago and I’ve been dealing with the nightmare ever since I found out (like a week ago). Someone ordered three PS2s and had them sent to one of the addresses on file and then tried to get the sellers to send them to a different phony address somewhere in Texas. The purchases threw my account into the negative so now I have a shitload of overdraft fees from M&T Bank. I really hope this is cleaned up soon with my bank and with Amazon.

I haven’t felt the drive to blog, although I have had a few noteworthy things happen in my life. I was sick for like two weeks with a sinus infection, and I’m still coughing and have a cold although the antibiotics took care of the fluorescent aspect of my mucous, haha eww! I’ve been busy doing some actual web work, as in an actual paying job, which has been fun/scary. Also, coursework is starting to pile up finally and college is getting a little more time consuming so, although it’s annoying, I feel like they are starting to earn that tuition money I paid them. I have to read 5 chapters for this one class that I haven’t even started even though midterms are around the corner and I know all of the questions are essays… and I have a thesis paper due for another class, and the list goes on and on.

I told Justin that we need to start taking our Italian lessons again, because our trip is coming up next summer and I’d like to be decent at communicating. Also, I have been feeling really motivated by how well we can understand Italian films and even the Latin used in our science and history classes is easier to understand. For a while I thought maybe I was silly for choosing a language with such limited influence in the modern world, but I’m feeling good about it again.

I gained 4 pounds. I’m not too proud of myself, especially since it was in less than a week. I guess it could be considered a binge… stress makes me eat, and I’ve been so down the past 2 weeks. I really want to be in better shape and stop jiggling so much. My ultimate goal would be to swim in the Mediterranean next summer without feeling self-conscious in skimpy swimwear. I feel trapped in my body, and I don’t really know many people built like me. I always had boobs, butt, and great legs, but a ugly round stomach even at my thinnest. At my higher weights, I still have the other features, but my stomach just gets bigger and bigger. I feel pregnant. It’s frustrating when I research those diets for specific body-shapes, because I don’t fall into one category. I am hourglass in that I have boobs and butt, but apple because of the stomach, although even with a “gut” I still retain a cinched waist under the bust. It’s… confusing.

I was looking at my mom’s photos from the 70s (she is on the left) and can really see why I am the way I am. We have the same body type, but I haven’t encountered it in any books or sites about dieting for your body. I feel like if I could lose the belly, my body would be in proportion. Honestly, I could lose or gain 20 pounds, and I would fit into the same jeans, because all of that fat lost or gained would be in my belly. It is a curse and I will never ever have a flat stomach unless I restricted to the point where I weighed 95 pounds. Actually, then I would probably just look like one of those African kids on the infomercials.

Make me feel better: If you could change something about your body, what would it be?