Let it be known that this is a joke. This is my way of poking fun at “the scene” and all of the faux scenesters I come across 10 times a day. So read on and smile, because I still love you even though you’re a poser.
- Make sure you buy exclusive tour teeshirts off of ebay and tell everyone you “were there too”.
- Start collecting vinyl, and act like you’ve “been collecting for years”.
- Join MySpace and then complain about how lame it is.
- Name-drop. If you said hello to the singer from a popular band at a show, make sure you tell everyone “Oh yeah, we hung out a few times”.
- Dye your hair black, brown, or both.
- Bleach your hair with peroxide and get a she-mullet.
- Wear black leggings underneath your miniskirts. The 80′s are so cool! Even though you were born in 1991.
- Complain about MTV and how you would rather gag than watch TRL.
- Be super nice to everyone, and talk in a super cute voice around anyone with a penis. Once you’re alone, feel free to go back to the real you.
- Get a best friend who is gay and then fall for him.
- Buy bright green eyeshadow and smudge it all around your eyes.
- Get your lip pierced. Preferably twice.
- Destroy all of your Good Charlotte CDs from 3 years ago.
- Buy lots of purses with screened guns, palm trees and vinyl records on them.
- Never use proper English, and use lots of internet slang such as omfgz, hawt, lolz & srsly followed by tons of <3's.
- Chase “emo” boys around the mall. Ignore the fact that he is holding his girlfriend’s hand.
- When you go to shows, act really uninterested. Cross your arms or lean on one of your gay boy friends.
- When you go to shows, never watch the opening bands play, because you’re “only here to see _______”.
- Start smoking cigarettes.
- Make sure your sunglasses cover at least 50% of your face.
- Love anything with polka dots or stripes.
- Make pouty or kissy lips in all of your MySpace photos.
- Use lots of “ghetto” words even though you grew up in the 99% white suburbs.
- Join as many profile sites as possible: notpopular.com, lipstickparty.com, stereokiller.com, cutegirlsonly.com…
PS: I moved all my old “.php?blah” pages over to WordPress pages in 2011. I try to update a few errors here or there, but this content was written in 2005 and I want to keep it authentic as this is still my “diary” and a historical record of sorts.
