I gained 4 pounds. I’m not too proud of myself, especially since it was in less than a week. I guess it could be considered a binge… stress makes me eat, and I’ve been so down the past 2 weeks. I really want to be in better shape and stop jiggling so much. My ultimate goal would be to swim in the Mediterranean next summer without feeling self-conscious in skimpy swimwear. I feel trapped in my body, and I don’t really know many people built like me. I always had boobs, butt, and great legs, but a ugly round stomach even at my thinnest. At my higher weights, I still have the other features, but my stomach just gets bigger and bigger. I feel pregnant. It’s frustrating when I research those diets for specific body-shapes, because I don’t fall into one category. I am hourglass in that I have boobs and butt, but apple because of the stomach, although even with a “gut” I still retain a cinched waist under the bust. It’s… confusing.

I was looking at my mom’s photos from the 70s (she is on the left) and can really see why I am the way I am. We have the same body type, but I haven’t encountered it in any books or sites about dieting for your body. I feel like if I could lose the belly, my body would be in proportion. Honestly, I could lose or gain 20 pounds, and I would fit into the same jeans, because all of that fat lost or gained would be in my belly. It is a curse and I will never ever have a flat stomach unless I restricted to the point where I weighed 95 pounds. Actually, then I would probably just look like one of those African kids on the infomercials.

Make me feel better: If you could change something about your body, what would it be?

The Velvet Underground - Heroin

I made this one yesterday, but waited to put it up until I blogged next…. which is right about now. Hopefully everything is in it’s place in all the browsers If you can’t see the new layout, click here. So I’m a big Mariah Carey fan, always have been. My mom would play her debut album back in 1990 (of course it was on cassette, lol) and I’d just sing and sing. I have been obsessed ever since. I once had a Mariah layout on pink-pistol.net also, maybe some of you remember it.

My jeans are getting looser and looser, and I love it! I thought when I started losing weight I would lose some boobage, but maybe they’re here to stay. Apparently my mom gained weight recently so I said we’d walk the dogs together everyday when I go home to visit.

My brother is 28 and he is dating a 42 year old woman. From what I hear, she’s nuts. She says she wants to get married in 6 months, and she asked Joey to move in with her even though they’ve only been together for 2 weeks. It’s unbelievable… but this is the kind of drama I miss when I’m away from my mom’s house. And then, my mom’s boyfriend and my brother got in a fist fight over some stupid shit. This is especially hilarious, because it seems like one of those skits on Jerry Springer… but we don’t live in trailers nor are we morbidly obese, so I guess that’s what sets us apart? So maybe we’d be on Maury, since he’s slighter higher up as far as social classes go

I’ve been watching this show called Little People, Big World on TLC. I watched it maybe a year ago, but not steadily. Now I’m totally addicted to it, it’s just so interesting to me how these people with Dwarfism live (basically like the rest of us). I am such a loser!