Yo’ Mama Jokes

Yo’ Mama jokes are an American tradition. From elementary school through college, and much later in life than we’d care to admit, friends make fun of another friend’s mom in the most offensive, disgusting way possible. Americans employ Yo’ Mama jokes as insults in heated situations, but also as humor. The best Yo’ Mama joke is told in front of a crowd – the more embarrassing the joke is for the friend or foe in question, the more powerful the laugh or diss becomes.

Sometimes mama jokes can be turned around and used in a self-deprecating style – this brand of Yo Mama joke is famously employed by Blink 182 and Eminem, for example. Making fun of your own mom is a fresh twist on the Yo’ Mama classics. It is meant to say, “Look at what a fun, crazy guy I am, making fun of my own mother!”. Perhaps attacking one’s own mom is a preemptive strike; a way to prevent others from dissing your mom by stealing the power of the joke.

Enough with the analysis! Memorize some of these jokes and go out into the world and use them!

Yo’ Mama is so fat…

…when her beeper goes off, people think she’s backing up
…she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
…she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says “okay!”
…when she wears a yellow raincoat, people yell “Taxi!”
…she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.
…she’s got her own zip code
…she’s got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book.
…every time she wears high heels, she strikes oil.
…when she dances, she makes the band skip.
…even Richard Simmons laughs at her.
…her ass looks like two pigs fighting over a milk dud.
…her blood type is Ragu.
…I shot the bitch and Crisco came out.
…Jenny Craig did a credit check.
…NASA is going to use her to fill the hole in the ozone layer.
…she bungee jumped and went straight to hell.
…she can’t even jump to a conclusion.
…she DJ’s for the ice cream truck.
…she eats cereal out of a satellite dish.
…she puts her belt on with a boomerang.
…she jumped in the ocean and the whales started singing “We are family!”
…she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
…she uses a mattress for a maxi-pad.
…she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her as a new world.
…they had to install speed bumps at the all-u-can-eat buffet.
…when she bends over we go into daylight savings time.
…when she comes down the stairs she measures on the Richter scale.
…when she got on the bus she turned it into a low rider.
…when she walks in front of the TV, you miss 5 minutes of your show.
…when she wears a red dress, kids yell “Kool-Aid Man!”

Yo’ Mama is so old…

…her memory is in black and white.
…I told her to act her age and the bitch died.
…Jurassic Park brought back memories.
…she DJ’d at the Boston Tea Party.
…she has all the apostles in her black book.
…she’s got hieroglyphics on her driver’s license.

Yo’ Mama is so stupid…

…if she spoke her mind, she’d be speechless.
…if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you’d get change.
…she called the 7-11 to see when they closed.
…she sold the car for gas money.
…she thinks socialism means partying.
…she thought a quarterback was a refund.
…she went to Dr. Dre for a pap smear.
…she went to the Gap to get her teeth fixed.

Yo’ Mama is so nasty…

…her crabs use her tampon string as a bungee cord.
…I called her up for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection.
…she made Right Guard turn left.
…she went swimming and made the Dead Sea.
…when I went to your house and asked what’s for dinner, she spread her legs and said “crabs!”
…when I went to your house and asked what’s for dinner, she took off her socks and said “corn!”

Yo’ Mama is so ugly…

…even the elephant man paid to see her.
…I took her to the zoo and the guy at the door said “Thanks for bringing her back.”
…Medusa is jealous.
…she gives Freddy Kreuger nightmares.
…she got a sex change and the surgeon had to flip a coin.
…she looks like her face caught on fire and they put it out with a fork.
…she practices birth control by leaving the lights on.
…the Pro-Lifers would make an exception in her case.
…when she joined an ugly contest, they said “Sorry, no professionals.”
…when she looks in the mirror, the reflection ducks.
…when she was born the doctor looked at her ass, then her face, and said “Twins!”
…when she was born the doctor saw the afterbirth, and said “Twins!”
…just after she was born, her mother said “What a treasure!” and her father said “Yes, let’s go bury it.”
…the NHL banned her for life
…even Rice Krispies won’t talk to her.
…that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.

Yo’ Mama is so poor…

…I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said “Moving.”
…she went to McDonald’s and put a milkshake on layaway.
…when she goes to KFC she has to lick other peoples’ fingers.
…she can’t afford to pay attention.
…her face is on the front of a food stamp.
…I walked into your house and 3 roaches tripped me & tried to take my wallet.
…she has to wear her McDonald’s uniform to church.
…when I was taking family portraits for you and said “Cheese!” she went looking for the line.
…when I saw her walking down the street with one shoe and said “Hey miss, lost a shoe?” she said “Nope, just found one!”
…I lit a match in her house and the roaches started singing “Clap your hands, stomp your feet, praise the Lord ’cause we got heat!”
…I threw a rock at a trash can and she popped out and said “Who knocked?”
…I walked into her house, asked to use the bathroom, and she said “3rd tree to your right.”
…she watches TV on an Etch-A-Sketch.
…your TV got 2 channels: ON and OFF.
…she married young just to get the rice.
…people rob her house for practice.
…when your family watches TV, they go to Sears.
…she eats cereal with a fork to save milk.
…even the republicans were willing to give her welfare.